Date Nights Are Overrated — Try This Instead

Everyone says the same thing:

“You need to have regular date nights!”

And sure, in theory, that sounds great.

But in reality?

So here’s my hot take:

Date nights are overrated. Try this instead.

The “After They’re Down” Date

Once the kids are asleep, the house is yours.

That’s not nothing—that’s opportunity.

Here’s what we do:

Couch date. Takeout, wine (or whatever), a show you’re both actually into. No phones.
Kitchen hang. Cook something together. Music on. Talk like you used to.
Backyard fire. If you have outdoor space, use it. Stars, drinks, conversation.
Game night. Card games, board games, even video games. Competition is bonding.

It’s sustainable. You can do this weekly—not once a month when the stars align.

It’s relaxed. No rushing to make a reservation or beat the babysitter’s curfew.

It’s real. This is your actual life. Might as well make it romantic.

Intentionality.

A random Tuesday watching TV isn’t a date.

But a random Tuesday where you decide it’s a date? Where you put the phones away, light a candle, actually look at each other?

That’s different.

I’m not saying never go out. When you can—do it.

But don’t let “we haven’t had a date night in months” become an excuse for disconnection.

Connection doesn’t require a restaurant.

It requires presence.

The best relationship advice I ever got:

“It’s not about finding time. It’s about making moments.”

You don’t need a sitter, a reservation, or a plan.

You need 30 minutes, no distractions, and the decision to be fully there.

That’s a date.