Let me be honest:
We don’t have tantrums figured out.
But after hundreds of meltdowns, we’ve found some things that help—and learned what definitely makes them worse.
What We’ve Learned
Most Tantrums Aren’t About What You Think
Kayden loses it over a broken cracker. But it’s rarely about the cracker.
Usually it’s:
- Tired
- Hungry
- Overstimulated
- Feeling out of control
Solving the surface problem doesn’t fix the real one.
Staying Calm Is Everything (And Really Hard)
When you match their energy, it escalates. Every time.
The calmer I stay, the faster it ends. But staying calm when a tiny human is screaming in your face? That takes practice.
Validation Before Solutions
“I know you’re upset” goes further than “stop crying.”
They need to feel heard before they can hear you.
What We Actually Do
1. Get on their level. Kneel down. Eye contact. It’s less threatening and more connecting.
2. Name the emotion. “You’re really frustrated right now.” Helps them learn to identify feelings.
3. Offer a choice. “Do you want to calm down here or in your room?” Gives them some control back.
4. Wait it out. Sometimes they just need to feel the feeling. We sit nearby and let them know we’re there when they’re ready.
What Makes It Worse
- Yelling (never helps)
- Threatening (“if you don’t stop…”)
- Trying to reason mid-meltdown
- Giving in to make it stop (teaches tantrums work)
The Honest Truth
We still have bad days.
Days where I lose my patience. Days where nothing works.
But overall? It’s getting better as he gets older and as we get better at staying calm.
Final Thought
Tantrums are developmentally normal. Their brains literally can’t regulate emotions yet.
Our job isn’t to stop tantrums. It’s to help them learn to handle big feelings.
And that takes time—for them and for us.